I got to reading a post [requires Fetlife login] on the Masters and slaves [requires Fetlife login] group on Fetlife, that made me want to comment.  It was a day old, so all the usual posters in the group had already gotten to it.  And reading the responses, I noticed several were of similar mind to my own.  However, I like sharing my opinion, and I’m going to write my response anyways.

First off, a little disclaimer.  I realize everyone’s relationship is different, and I have no say in how you define or construct your relationship, and neither does anyone else but you and your partner.  However, I have my opinion of what things mean, and unless people tell me differently I’m going to use my definitions when people use these terms.

Now onto the meat of the post.  There’s very little, in my mind, that separates a Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship from a Master/slave (M/s) relationship.  Two of the major differences concern limits and safewords.  Limits are things that a top or bottom cannot do and maintain their physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual health, or things they will not do in the confines of the current relationship.  Safewords are communication tools that allow a top to know something’s going sideways in a scene.

Before I continue, once again I’ll state that the following represents MY view on things, and is not to be construed to be “The Way” things are, or how “they” say it should be.  They’re just my personal views.

So one of the major differences between an D/s and an M/s relationship concerns limits.  The basic choices a bottom-type has when it concerns their submission totals three:  who to submit to, how far to submit, and when to leave.  The second of these choices concerns limits.  In a D/s relationship, a submissive often confines their submission by use of limits.  There’s a list of things she cannot and will not do (and if attempted, the consequence is the end of the relationship, if the submissive has any smarts at all), that the submissive expects the Dominant party to agree to and respect before the submissive concedes to the relationship.  In a M/s relationship, there are no limits.  That’s not to say the slave”s limits mysteriously vanish in a M/s relationship.  By saying there’s no limits, I mean that the slave has no limits they foist upon their Master to respect in order to maintain/continue the relationship.

That’s not to say, however, that a Master should breach the limitations of their slave just because they have the power to do so.  No, the Master should know what will break their slave, and knows to stay away from those things less they have to do the responsible thing of putting a slave back together after breaking them.  Sometimes the Master may do this as a growth exercise, and that’s fine…but constantly breaking a slave just because is a lot of work, and few, if any, Masters who are worth their salt engage in this behavior.

The second major difference concerns safewords.  Or more importantly, what the safeword means.  In a D/s dynamic, a submissive may withdraw their consent at any time.  A safeword can have any meaning the most extreme ranging from “Something’s up, check in with me now,” to “I withdraw my consent, let me go or you’re raping me!”  While legally and ethically the slave has the same ability to withdraw consent at any time, they agreed to a dynamic.  In that dynamic they agreed to, they consented to any activity their Master wishes.  To me, withdrawing their consent mid-activity shows poor character.  There may be times when it’s justified, for example when they find out their Master is really an ax murderer, but realistically they should have chosen wisely enough that withdrawing consent mid-activity is just showing a lack of honor about their commitment to their word and fulfillment of their agreements.  In my eyes, it shows a lack of integrity…almost nothing is so bad that it can’t be endured and if it really was that bad, the slave should choose to end the dynamic after the activity takes place.  If a slave DOES have a safeword, it means something along the lines of “something’s going sideways, please check in with me.”  It’s a request.  It’s giving the Master information which to work with, where they’re left with the decision of what to do about it.  The Master can acquiesce to the request, or ignore it.

If a Master were to accept and agree to respecting a list of limits prior to engaging an M/s relationship, in my eyes it nullifies the M/s relationship…but let’s say it doesn’t and they do call it an M/s relationship.  The Master should respect those limits for the relationship, unless the slave relinquishes an item on that list.  To not do so would be dishonorable.  It would show a lack of integrity and character.  It would make the Master a liar.  To breach these limits purposefully because the Master has the power to in a M/s dynamic would be a bait and switch.  It breaches the trust between the Master and slave.  None of these consequences are worth the power high to a good Master.

So I’ve explained a few of the differences between Dominant and submissive relationships, compared to Master and slave relationships.  Submissives can limit their submission by use of limits in a D/s relationship, whereas a slave doesn’t necessitate them being respected by their Master to engage and continue in the relationship.  Also, submissives could have safewords that terminate the power exchange dynamic in a D/s relationship, where a slaves’s safewords are merely requests that give the Master information about their present state.

As we can see, a M/s dynamic is a pretty deep and scary place, where the slave has “no way out” unless their Master chooses to give them one.  It’s not something to be entered in lightly.  If entered into rashly, the consequences can be severe.   In my eyes, most people engage in D/s dynamics.  They may be D/s dynamics with few boundaries, but they’re still D/s relationships.  Few are capable of engaging in a M/s dynamic, and following through with that commitment.  And for that reason, it will remain an elusive beast, sought after by many but caught by so few.